The night is dark, and I realize I’ve been here more than once, it’s 4:40 AM, and I’m still alive, but I hear inside me curtains falling.
Memories from the past destroy everything in their wake, a day without them is like a truce, tears are a momentary medicine to soothe the superficial pain.
I know this time there is something different. My mind, soul and body begin to react after being sedated by pain.
I have run so many times to stay alive, each year has been a medal. My strength and reserves are dwindling every day, but sometimes I can’t see a way to keep going.
I hear that many are coming after me, they are very smart, but they have no heart. I have been afraid because I feel alone.
My conscience is surprised that there is still love in your heart, in not having the strength to give up, in not letting you be food for the hunter, not letting your cloak fall on the road.
One early morning while we were sheltering in a small house far away from our home, I fell into a deep sleep, that’s when my enemy surprised me when I was sleeping. He came running from the forest at great speed, I felt I had no strength to run, I could not move. At that moment as he came closer I screamed so loud that I felt your little heart beat, I heard the scream coming from you when for the first time you saw the light, I screamed so loud that no one heard me.
The night was so dark that my vigil fell asleep, I opened my eyes again and saw him in front of me. It was my enemy surrounded by dense darkness, the gate of the fence was open, for some reason he could not enter, it was as if something was stopping him.
At sunrise as I was getting ready to go on my way, my enemy spoke in my ear saying “has your “eternal friend” done enough for you yet?” I’m sorry to tell you that I was tired enough from running that I couldn’t answer him, but I knew he wouldn’t leave me, I knew he would come after me.
There are endless wars that no one understands or knows about, but I realized that almost no one is interested in keeping you alive. But I confess to you that there has only been one person who has fought hard enough for you, it is in you, in me.
My enemy finds new ways to end with you, with me, but I cling to keep you alive.
Dear baby, stay alive.
There is a story I would like to tell you, there was a great woman who looked upon you as her son, she no longer had so much strength, we walked together through the forest slowly while you slept in my arms, while you listened to my heart beat. She was with me for a short time, she made me believe in our friend again.
Sometimes I feel like we were her last breath, let me tell you why.
I asked her a favor before our friend took her away, I asked her when she was face to face with him to tell him not to forget about you, about me.
You know, I know she is listening to us, because the next morning she was gone. It hurt me to see her go, because in the short time my heart felt accompanied by her presence; a necklace fell from the sky with a very special stone, this means a lot to us. It may mean nothing to anyone else, but that should give us hope that our friend is still with us, I know our friend spoke for us. He has heard us.
I want to tell you that my journey has not been at all easy, even pieces inside me fall without hearing them touch bottom, because there is an abyss. This is where I’ve been locked up, sometimes I’ve been lucky and have been able to escape.
I feel very tired, I don’t know how much longer I can go on.
When I see my reflection in the river, I try to see you in me, but I can’ t find you, because the river is drying up and soon there will be no more water flowing through it.
There are still memories in my heart, of you my little buddy. Sometimes when my mind collapses after so many days without sleep, I hear and feel in my dreams your heart beating. In my veins run your days of life, in my lungs the sighs of life, in my mind your joys and in my heart the peace of your inner self.
Let me encounter with you once again.
Help me find the way, help me find the sigh, let me know what changed in me, I want to understand who took away the shine of your eyes in me. Let me know which way to go because I’m desperate, I can’t find the way out of this path. I don’t want to live…
I don’t want to live if you’re not with me, because it’s you who made my days different, it’s your heart that I miss so much. I tried to find you in other people, but there is no one who can teach me how to come back to you.
If you don’t come with me I don’t want to go on, let this be the end, I will surrender, and let me be part of the history of those who didn’t make it out of here, but give me a chance to keep my promise to accompany you to the end, because it’s not easy for me to let myself surrender.
You know I do not lie and while my enemy has kept me with the edge at my throat, trying to bribe me to let you fall, I have not been a coward. I have been so strong that that edge has pierced his own garments, he screams because he knows that my heart is bigger as much as my love and my determination.
There is a light within us that pierces the shackles that people put on us.
Sometimes I believe that our eternal friend leaves because he knows that in my heart is the strength of a lion, which devours its enemy. Voices from deep in the forest say things that I am not, they try to make me weak, they try to tell me that I won’t be able to anymore, but what they don’t know is that I am stronger than all of them put together. I will not let them devour your heart.
Although I admit that my wounds bleed and sap my energy, sometimes when you sleep I can’t hold back the tears because of the pain, I need your company. I know our eternal friend is gone because I have fought with him so much, but fear not, I have begged him to come back.
I’ve only asked him to take us along with him.
My trust is dead, I can trust no one else.
I must tell you that I no longer have the strength to speak, I have used it to try to call our friend, you know I have begged him, but there is no answer.
Little baby, wake up, we need to go. While I was asleep I had a dream, someone was telling me to hurry, because something was about to happen, something is coming, but I don’t know what it is. I hear the wind blowing very strong towards the horizon, energy running through my veins to reach there.
Don’t be afraid because from my heart you won’t move away again, I see that the wind runs inside the road.
Come with me baby, come into my arms, do you hear that noise? Something is happening, it sounds like water, it’s a river!
It’s an unprecedented flow, the time has come. He has heard us, it’s the end, it’s the end baby.
The end of this road has come, it’s time for our freedom, come, let’s enter the river, don’t be afraid, I’ll take care of you.
“Your goal has always been to stop me, your desire has been to stop my heart, but today we win again.”